A gentleman who may be one day be known as the “worst best man of all time,” has connected his friend’s bed to Twitter so it tweets every time he and his fiance (new wife) have sex.

According to the Twitter feed, called “Newly Weds On The Job,” the couple live in the UK, so not to worry, engaged Americans. As you can see below the tweets include details of how long the sex lasts and how “powerful” it is.

As if Twitter weren’t already full of utterly bland, mindless codswallop, researchers from Hasselt University in Belgium are about to add the random, idiotic bleatings of a baby to the stream of nonsense. Worse, the baby won’t even know it is broadcasting its brainless, repetitive activities to the world.

Twoddler is a modified Fisher Price activity center, the kind that toddlers have tweaked and poked for what seems like generations. The difference is that this one has its activities monitored by a computer and the activities are translated into Tweets. The example uses a baby called Yorin, and if he spends, say, a few minutes playing with a picture of his mother, this Tweet will be forced on the world: “@mommy_yorin Yorin misses mommy and looks forward playing with her this evening”. Further, if he annoyingly bangs on the bell, over and over, for far too long, the computer will translate this to say “Yorin is showing off his music skills with a new tune”.

The Twoddler uses sensors hooked up to an Arduino circuit and sends the information via the wireless ZigBee protocol to a nearby computer. This is where the signals are converted into human-readable (or at least parent-readable) “words”  and sent off to the web using the Twitter API.

We imagine that these incessant, repetitive Tweets will swiftly become as annoying as the behavior which triggers them, negating the whole point of sending Yorin off to the day-care center. There is one advantage to Twoddler over having an actual toddler in the room with you. It may be a bit of a moral conundrum, but at least mom always has the option to un-follow her offspring.

Michael Lohan is alive and kicking — despite what you might have read on Twitter.

Someone on the micro-blogging site @themichaellohan fired off a series of Tweets that read like a suicide note:

“FIANCE JUST LEFT ME. MY WHOLE FAMILY HATES ME. I SPENT THANKSGIVING WITH MY MOM I JUST CANT DO ANY OF THIS ANY MORE

THE DEATH OF MY FATHER PUT ME IN A BLACK HOLE IDK WHAT TO DO

HEADING TO THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

GOODBYE

@LINDSAYLOHAN LOVE YOU. B YE”

The postings have since been erased and the very-much-alive father of actress Lindsay Lohan has denied “Tweeting” any such thing — in fact, Michael doesn’t Twitter at all.

“This is not not not me,” Lohan said in an email Monday. “I do not have and never had a Twitter and Twitter’s corporate office confirms that. My lawyers are investigating.”

Kim Kardashian has successfully achieved her weight loss goal…..with the help of the Quick Trim fitness supplement she endorses alongside sister Khloe.

On Tueday, the socialite, 29, TwitPic’d an image revealing her fantastic new figure in a two-piece.

“Quick Trim photo shoot today in Miami! I finally feel I’ve reached my goal!” a beaming Kim scribbled beneath the snap.

Check out Kim Kardashian gallery!

John Mayer has wandered into the controversy plaguing Britney Spears in Australia, where critics in the media have blasted her for lip-synching on her “Circus” tour.

On Saturday, Mayer, who happens to be Down Under to promote his own album, Tweeted the following: “If you’re shocked that Britney was lip-syncing at her concert and want your money back, life may continue to be hard for you.”

Why all the fuss?

On Friday, about 100 angry fans reportedly stormed out of Britney’s concert at the Burswood Dome in the Western Australia city of Perth, saying they were disappointed by the lackluster performance and Spears’s lip-synching during her two-hour show. Spears gave Perth fans a generic welcome, never mentioning their city by name. “What’s up Australia?,” she said from the stage. “How you feeling tonight? It’s so good to be here tonight. Your country is beautiful.”

One disgruntled concert-goer, Wendy Di Renzo, 36, said she paid $148 for her ticket. “It was so impersonal. She did not interact with her audience,” she says. “There were no big TV screens projecting the action, so if you didn’t know Britney, you might have even doubted it was her.”

Meanwhile, politicians in three Australian states – Western Australia, Victoria and New South Wales – have called for new laws to force music promoters to disclose whether a concert will be live or lip-synched.

Yet Britney clearly left many of her fans satisfied. They have flooded her Web site with messages of support, and praised her for putting on a good show. “I paid $AUS 1,500 [nearly 1400 U.S. dollars],” wrote one. “To see a fantastic artist perform and sing in front of me is my dream come true. I love you Britney.”

Another fan, Scott Bown, 16, said the concert was “great” and Britney was “amazing.” “People should stop being nasty about her and get a life,” he says.

Spears, who is traveling with her father, will perform in Melbourne on Nov. 11. (You still have time to return or re-sell your tickets)

The concept is simple: a device dedicated solely to sending and receiving tweets.

TwitterPeek—made by mobile email/text gadget maker Peek—launches today at a cost of $199 with free lifetime service or $99 with a monthly charge of $7.95. Neat, writes Don Reisinger on CNET, but this idea seems dangerously close to dead in the water.

“There are a slew of mobile apps that allow people to tweet while they’re on the iPhone, some BlackBerry models, and Android-based devices,” Reisinger writes. And the price, though modest for most mobile gadgets, might turn people off.

Ty McMahan agrees in the Wall Street Journal. “It’s a functional, dedicated device for the Twitter platform. However, it doesn’t necessarily offer a better experience than free Twitter clients available for smartphones.” But it does get Peek some hype from its association with Twitter.

Carrie Underwood is getting ready to release her third studio album Play On on Nov. 3, and her lead single, “Cowboy Casanova,” has already peaked to #11 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #6 on Hot Country Songs. But don’t expect to catch this successful country cutie pulling a Miley and “tweetin’ ’bout pimples.” The conservative Carrie is no fan of the web’s hottest micro-blogging media site.

“It just sounds like organized stalking to me. I talk to my fan club members and I blog, and they know what’s going on,” the crooner scoffed when quizzed about her thoughts on Twitter in an interview with The Boot on Wednesday. “But as far as Twitter, I’ll be in a restaurant and I’ll get home and somebody tweeted and they talked about what I ordered and what I was wearing,” she added. “In some cases, that could be dangerous, because you don’t want everybody to know where you are every second of every day. It’s a wee bit of an invasion of privacy.”

If you’re on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networking site, you could be the next victim.

That’s because more cyberthieves are targeting increasingly popular social networking sites that provide a gold mine of personal information, according to the FBI. Since 2006, nearly 3,200 account hijacking cases have been reported to the Internet Crime Complaint Center, a partnership between the FBI, the National White Collar Crime Center and the Bureau of Justice Assistance.

It starts with a friend updating his or her status or sending you a message with an innocent link or video. Maybe your friend is in distress abroad and needs some help.

All you have to do is click.

When the message or link is opened, social network users are lured to fake Web sites that trick them into divulging personal details and passwords. The process, known as a phishing attack or malware, can infiltrate users’ accounts without their consent.

Once the account is compromised, the thieves can infiltrate the list of friends or contacts and repeat the attack on subsequent victims. Social networking sites show there is ample opportunity to find more victims; the average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site.

“Security is a constant arms race,” said Simon Axten, an associate for privacy and public policy at Facebook. “Malicious actors are constantly attacking the site, and what you see is actually a very small percentage of what’s attempted.”

As some social networking sites experience monstrous growth, they are becoming a new — and extremely lucrative — frontier for cybercrime. Facebook says it has 300 million users, nearly the size of the U.S. population, and it continues to attract users outside the college student niche. From February 2008 to February 2009, Twitter, a micro-blogging site where users post 140-character messages known as tweets, grew 1,382 percent to more than 7 million users.

“They [cybercriminals] are very adept to using social engineering,” said Donald DeBold, director of threat research for CA, an Internet security company. “Your friend is in trouble traveling in another country, ‘I lost my wallet. I need help.’ They exploit the curiosity aspect out of human nature.”

A few decades ago, malicious software and viruses were usually the result of a prank, but Internet security experts say today’s attacks are profit-driven. A study from the University of Indiana in 2005 discovered that phishing attacks on social networks operated with a 70 percent success rate. These users had fallen for the scam, opened the foreign link and released personal information.

Cybercriminals are employing phishing and malware attacks for a number of reasons, including trying to redirect users to sites where profit is fueled by the number of visitors. They also try to elicit private information like passwords and bank account numbers to perform scams.

Early this year, Twitter experienced several phishing attacks in which a Web page that looked identical to the widely recognized light blue Twitter page was a hoax. The company warned users to double-check the URL to ensure they were visiting the correct site.

The Internet Crime Complaint Center received more than 72,000 complaints about Internet fraud in 2008 that were referred to law enforcement agencies for further investigation. These cases involved financial losses amounting to $264.6 million, an increase from 2007. Each person lost an average of $931.

“Most of us would want to help a friend in need, but if it’s an online friend, and they want you to wire money, you should double-check,” FBI spokesman Jason Pack said.

Security experts said it makes sense that cybercriminals are turning to social networking sites. Personal information is abundant on sites like Facebook and MySpace. Each time users give out valuable information like birth dates or addresses, they could be providing hints about their password, security experts say.

The American Civil Liberties Union has expressed concern about the information visible through Facebook quizzes and applications.

“They’ll have access to all that information, so they can sell it, they can share it, they can do an awful lot with it,” Chris Calabrese, legislative counsel for privacy-related issues with the ACLU, told CNN.com in September.

Many Internet security experts consider the first virus attack on the PC to have occurred in 1986. By the early 1990s, viruses transmitted on floppy disks became ubiquitous. When the World Wide Web became widely available that same decade, viruses, worms and malware became problems in e-mail accounts, frustrating users who clicked on messages thought to be legitimate.

In the new millennium, the most common form of malware attack has become known as drive-by downloads. While surfing on Google or Yahoo, spyware or a computer virus is automatically and invisibly downloaded on a computer, requiring no user interaction for the computer to be infected.

“We are on the verge from shifting from the Web being the No. 1 victim of infecting to social network,” said Mikko H. Hypponen, chief of research technology at F-Secure Corp. His company sells anti-virus software and malware protection programs. “It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.”

Social networks are fighting the aggressive attacks from cybercriminals. Most sites have information pages dedicated to educating users about the risks of Internet scams. Users can become a fan of “Facebook Security” and receive updates on how to protect their accounts. One of the most common pieces of advice given by security experts is to change passwords frequently.

Facebook has also developed complex automated systems that detect compromised accounts. They spot and freeze accounts that are sending an unusually high number of messages to their friends. Company security officials said Facebook is a closed system, which can be helpful in erasing phony messages from all accounts.

At News Corporation’s MySpace.com, the company creates blacklists of phony accounts to prevent people from clicking on a faulty link. Hemanshu Nigam, first chief security officer for MySpace, said the firm warns about suspicious links and educates users about the harm phishing and malware attacks can bring.

“We are prepared for them,” he said.