Vanessa Hudgens’ New Music Video Is… So Much Fail (video)
Rebecca Martinson Forced Out Of Delta Gama After Deranged Email Goes Viral
The now infamous deranged sorority email writer, Rebecca Martinson, has been forced to resign her house after her f-word ridden plea to her sisters to suck less was leaked and instantly went viral.
“Delta Gamma has accepted the resignation of one of its members whose email relating to a social event has been widely distributed and publicized,” the official Delta Gamma Facebook explained in a post. “This email should not be depicted in any way as standard or routine or tied to any official sorority voice. It is not an official voice or message and should not be construed as such.”
In case you missed it, here is the original e-mail the University of Maryland junior sent her fellow Delta Gamma sisters (with names changed):
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
“But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
“Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.
I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.
Fail: Budweiser Unveils New Can Design
I don’t want to know how much money Budweiser spent on the development of its new beer can… but judging on the process description, they probably overspent.
The company says its engineers spent several YEARS and made major equipment upgrades to create what it calls “a beer can like no other.” What’s it all about? A can shaped to look like Bud’s “bow tie” logo. “This can is eye-catching, easy to grip, trendy, and—according to our research—very appealing to young adults,” says the VP of innovation for parent company Anheuser-Busch.
The bow tie can won’t replace traditional Bud cans yet, they’ll be sold in special 8-packs beginning May 6.
If you are scratching your head thinking why would anyone think this is a good idea, here’s a hint: The new cans contain 8.5 fewer calories… because the new design only holds 11.3 ounces of beer, rather than the standard 12 ounces, and something tells me the price will be the same.
Farrah Abraham Got A Very Bad Boob Job (pics)
Katherine Webb’s 15 Minutes Are Almost Up (video)
What TV show is this thing called ‘Splash’?? Is it about washed up celebrities doing backflips for votes and/or money?
At least that’s what it looked like after I read that Katherine Webb was on the season premiere, I looked it up and this is what she did… Apparently this is a legitimate way to earn a living now.
This is just sad.
Man Gets Banned From All The Libraries In The World
A 20-year-old man was given a weird sentence after getting barred from “all the libraries on the face of the earth” for some little public masturbation.
Tyree S. Carter reportedly masturbated in a Wisconsin library last Wednesday morning; a criminal complaint says he was “standing in the open, not trying to conceal the act.”
When a police officer appeared on the scene, however, Carter had his nose in a book and said he didn’t know why the cop was there. Once the officer told him, Carter said he was sorry and had never done it in public before, per the complaint.
His bond was set at $1,000 and included the condition that he stay out of all the planet’s libraries. He now faces a year in prison and fines of up to $11,000.
The History Channel’s Satan Looks Just Like…
History channel has been broadcasting a very successful miniseries based on the bible… so it’s no wonder viewers took to the internet after noticing that Satan looks a little too much like President Obama.
Mohamen Mehdi Ouazanni plays the role of the fallen angel. A number of Twitter users noticed the similarity between Ouazanni and Obama on Sunday. Among them was Glenn Beck, who first tweeted that the series was “one of the most important shows in decades,” then posted a screenshot of Ouazanni and asked if others thought he looked like “That Guy,” Beck’s preferred term for Obama.