Former teen bride Courtney Stodden told E!News that she’s made a sex tape… but don’t get your hopes up: The 18-year-old says the video, which reportedly features her solo and was supposedly shot recently after she turned 18, is private.

The tape, Stodden says, is “not out in the media” nor is it on her computer. “Hackers, don’t even go there cause you’ll find nothing,” Doug Hutchison’s wife tells us about poking around her computer. As for what’s on the tape, it’s “just me,” she claims, adding that it wasn’t shot too long ago. “I turned 18 in August, so you do the math.”

I’ll be honest, I want to watch this… especially since Doug is not in it.

Courtney Stodden is weird, overly sexualized and has a real hunger for attention… which is why it should come as no surprise that her first full frontal picture was for the cover of a corpse fetish magazine.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Girls and Corpses magazine features a wholly nude Stodden “getting groped by a zombie”

“Girls and Corpses is a silly, yet sexy magazine, which fits my personality perfectly,” Stodden told E! News when asked why she gave her first full frontal to a corpse fetish magazine. “It was definitely interesting, of corpse…hehe.”

And if you were wondering if the corpse was real, here is an interesting tid bit from their FAQs:

Are your corpses real? Do you dig them up?

Actually, we don’t personally ‘dig them up.’ We’re not grave robbers! The corpses are shipped to us from several locations — most notably South America, Eastern China and Guam, where the laws are more lenient about intercontinental shipment of cadavers.

Here is the censored version… I’m not even looking for the uncensored one, I can even guess if this shit is legal.

Courtney Stodden premiered her ‘music’ video ‘Reality’ and, because she totally did it on purpose, we are reporting on her video nip slip.

That is one big looking nipple Courtney.

If you don’t want to suffer through the whole thing, you can check the totally intentional wardrobe malfunction at the 1.58 mark.

I rarely (never) protest against hot babes in tiny clothes liking fake popsicles… but god do I hate Courtney Stodden.

Stodden has a new ‘music’ video coming out and the dudes over at Celebuzz posted a sneak peak of it. The ‘song’ is called “Reality” and it’s about you know, like, reality and fantasy and like, reality and giggles.

The video shows the 18-year-old starlet — who shot to fame in 2011 when she married actor Doug Hutchison at the age of 16 — in all sorts of sexy outfits

“It’s about this hot nerd that I’m captivated by,” Stodden told Celebuzz. “We get into the bedroom. It gets a little steamy. And the rest is history.”

“It’ll be pretty sexy, pretty hot — a lot of kissing, straddling,” she added.

Everyone’s favorite teen bride and all-around wreck Courtney Stodden wanted to wish you a merry Christmas with a set of sexy holiday snaps.

Stodden covers up with some strategically placed Christmas presents during her December 2012 photo shoot in Los Angeles…

Ho ho ho indeed

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After receiving at least 4 offers to do porn, teen bride Courtney Stodden made it clear she is not interested in doing anything but Playboy… too bad the magazine is not touching that with a 10-foot pole.

Stodden tweeted Saturday night she was doing Playboy. But according to Playboy sources, no offer has been made to Stodden nor will one ever be made. According to sources, Stodden “doesn’t meet the standards of a Playboy model,” adding she looks too “enhanced.”

“[Playboy] would NEVER take her. I don’t think anybody really wants to see that anyway.”

Courtney Stodden hasn’t given up on finding fame, no matter what childhood memories she has to destroy to achieve it.

Now, it’s Hello Kitty’s turn.

Watch Courtney meow, walk in all fours, use a sandbox and even cough up a fur ball.

I gotta tell you, I won’t judge you if you are into this, but this shit is kind of creepy.

I know, it’s pathetic.

Fame-hungry Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden didn’t get the reality show they wanted… but they are making us watch anyway.

The couple have resorted to documenting their private lives on their own and have launched their own show via YouTube called “Courtney’s Countdown.” So anyone interested in the lives of the former “Lost” actor, 51, and his teen bride can watch online. The focus of the first video series, titled “My Foot Hurts,” features Stodden complaining that her foot hurts.

Riveting.

The buxom blond is seen wobbling around in her sky-high Lucite heels as she constantly complains that her ankle hurts. She then talks to her mother on the phone to discuss what to wear for an upcoming photo shoot.

“I want a really tight, tiny dress, like always,” she says, but not before adding, “My foot hurts really baaad!”

“I’m not going to be able to do any photo shoots if my foot hurts this bad!”

Stodden, now in an even skimpier outfit, goes to complain to her husband. She thinks she hurt her foot during an Easter-themed photo shoot, he thinks it’s her ridiculous impractical footwear.

“It’s the shoes, baby, I’m telling you. Stop wearing the shoes!” Hutchison says. “Honey, we go hiking up Runyon Canyon and you’re wearing these crazy heels.”

Oh God, it’s so bad it’s not even funny. It’s just sad, really sad.